Ever feel like society hands you a rulebook you never asked for? You know, the unwritten list of “how you should live your life” — what career path to follow, how relationships are “supposed” to look, what success means, or even how you should feel about yourself. It’s exhausting, right?
Well, here’s a little secret: You don’t have to follow all those rules. In fact, breaking free from some of society’s expectations can be one of the healthiest, most liberating things you do—for your mental health, emotional wellbeing, and personal growth.
I am a bit of an advocate for doing what you truly and genuinely want deep down and not following what we have been told we 'should' be doing in life.
What Are These “Society Rules” Anyway?
They’re the cultural norms and pressures that shape how we think we should act, feel, or achieve. Things like:
Having a “stable” 9-to-5 job
Getting married and having kids by a certain age
Always being productive and busy
Hiding your emotions or appearing “strong” all the time
Always being happy
Own your house and car
Conforming to specific beauty or lifestyle standards
The list goes on...
These rules might have roots in tradition or social structure (often creep in unnoticed) but do they serve who you are? Do you actually want these things or has society created these rules for you?
Why Following Society’s Rules Can Hurt Your Mental Health
What exactly are the dangers of trying to live by everyone else’s expectations;
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Stress and anxiety from constantly trying to “fit in”
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Feeling like a fraud when your life doesn’t match the “ideal”
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Exhaustion from people-pleasing or overworking
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Suppressing your true feelings and needs
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Losing touch with what really matters to you
- Stuck in the happiness trap- leading to more anxiety, shame, and emotional suppression
- Burnout from all of the above ^
Many people come to therapy or counselling feeling overwhelmed by these pressures—and the first step to healing is often realizing that it’s okay to question and reject these societal “rules.”
I often ask "what do you truly want?".
Going Against the Grain: What Does That Look Like?
Going against society’s expectations doesn’t mean you have to be rebellious for the sake of it. It’s about:
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Defining success on your own terms
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Choosing relationships, careers, or lifestyles that feel authentic
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Allowing yourself to rest and prioritise mental health without guilt
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Expressing your emotions openly and honestly
- Allowing ourselves to be sad (Yes... we are allowed to be sad, down, low because everyone feels this way time to time)
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Embracing your unique identity, quirks, and path
But What If You Feel Guilty or Scared?
It’s totally normal to feel anxious about breaking away from norms. Society’s rules can feel like safety nets—even if they don’t fit you. That’s why this process takes time, self-compassion, and sometimes support from a therapist or counsellor can be helpful if you have doubts and fears. I'm here to cheerlead and support you through your changes and journey.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to live by society’s rules if they don’t feel right for you. In fact, choosing your own path can be a radical act of self-care and healing. Your mental health and emotional wellbeing deserve that kind of freedom.
If you’re ready to explore what your unique life could look like—beyond expectations—I’m here to support you. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is say, “No thanks, I’ll make my own rules.”
Do I go against the grain? Find out below
Self-Disclosure: Do I Go Against the Grain?
You might be wondering… do I follow all these society rules I’ve just been writing about?
Honestly? Not really. In many parts of my life, I go very much against the grain—and that’s been a huge part of looking after my own mental health and wellbeing. So, here’s a little glimpse into how I do things differently:
1. I’m self-employed and work unconventional hours
Yep—no 9-to-5 for me. I’ve learnt over the years that that kind of structure just doesn’t work for my energy levels or mental health. Traditional work hours used to leave me totally burnt out. These days, I choose a routine that suits me. You’ll often find me working evenings or longer days when I’m in the zone—and giving myself permission to slow down when I’m not.
2. I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon
Marriage isn’t on my current wishlist—and that’s okay! I'd rather invest my time, energy, and money in experiences that light me up (mainly holidays, to be honest). Maybe one day I’ll change my mind, but for now, I’m happy living life a little differently.
3. I let myself stop and chill sometimes
As I write this blog, I’m mid-way through a chilled-out day, half-watching Friends and enjoying a proper rest. Because I know that if I don’t press pause, I burn out—and fast. Giving myself permission to rest is one of the kindest things I can do for my brain and body.
4. I drive a very old 2009 car—but don’t own a home
Yes, my car is getting on a bit, but I love the independence it gives me—and fewer monthly payments help reduce financial stress. I don’t own a home yet (and let’s be real, it’s not easy these days), but my partner and I hope to buy together in the next few years. Not because we have to, but because we want to create a shared space that feels like home.
5. I don’t wear makeup, I’m not “toned” or “tiny,” and I wear what I like
These days, I rarely wear makeup—not because I’m against it, but because I just… can’t be bothered. I used to wear it daily in my teens and twenties, but I found that skipping it helped my skin and my confidence. I’m not chasing a certain body type—I move my body through running and workouts because I enjoy it, not because I’m trying to be skinny or fit into anyone’s idea of beauty. I wear clothes that feel good, usually second-hand, and always comfy. But I do look after my skin. I keep my skincare simple: SPF, face cream, a gentle exfoliator, and some anti-aging bits—because it feels good to take care of myself in that way.
The takeaway? You don’t have to tick every box, follow every rule, or do what everyone else is doing. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do for your mental health is to give yourself permission to do life your way—even if it looks totally different from what’s expected.
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