I’ve been thinking a lot about the mental load a lot recently and what it does to desire, energy, and self-respect.
And I’ve decided: I'm fed up and it’s time for a new era.
Not a dramatic breakup era. Not a “fight everything” era.
A clarity and boundaries era.
Here’s what I’m done doing — and why it matters.
1. I am done being the “Manager of Reality”
No more holding the mental map for two people.
I am not a human calendar. I am not a grocery-list generator. I am not the default “noticer” of every chore or task.
I am not here to remind you of what needs doing, what needs replacing and where we need to be. Time for someone else to take responsibility.
If a partner is an adult, they are responsible for maintaining their own life.
I am looking for a Co-CEO, not an entry-level intern who needs tasks assigned.
Because constantly managing someone else’s life is exhausting. And it kills attraction. Fast.
2. I am done with “Mercy Sex” and “Guilt-Tripping”
My body is not a pressure valve for someone else’s stress.
I will not feel broken because I don’t want sex at the end of a day where I did everything alone.
From now on, my desire is contextual.
And guess what... if the context is exhaustion, resentment, or invisible labour, the answer is simple: No.
And I won’t apologise for it, feel guilty or think that it is my fault. PERIOD.
3. I am done “Softening the Blow”
I will stop sugar-coating the truth to protect male egos.
If lack of initiative is making me lose attraction, I will say it plainly.
I am done managing his feelings about my boundaries. If the truth feels harsh, it’s because the reality of the load I carried was harsher.
The truth isn’t cruelty — it’s clarity.
4. I am done with the “Why Do I Have To Ask?” loop
I’m retiring the phrase “Can you help me?”, "Can you do this?". (And then getting a reaction or defensiveness)
I cannot begin to explain how many times i have to ask others to do simple tasks. Or remind.
Anyone else relate?
Domestic labour isn’t “helping me.” It’s maintaining a shared life.
I’m done rewarding “weaponised incompetence” by doing tasks myself because it’s “easier.”
If it doesn’t get done, it stays undone. That’s not being mean. That’s being fair — to myself and to the relationship.
I find this hard if I am completely honest.
5. I am done centering “The Relationship” over “The Peace”
For too long, I was taught that a “failed” relationship was the worst-case scenario. Scary stuff.
Guess what... It isn’t.
The worst-case scenario is losing my spark, my energy, my self-respect... feeling guilty or 'feeling bad' to fuel a partnership that only serves one person.
I choose my peace over a lopsided partnership every single time.
Let me be clear:
This is not about perfection
I’m not saying I won’t compromise or that relationships are easy.
I’m saying: I will not sacrifice my wellbeing, desire, or dignity to maintain a partnership where the load isn’t shared.
Because desire, intimacy, and connection don’t survive when one person is carrying everything.
This is my manifesto. My new era.
And it starts today.
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