Let’s be honest for a second.
Most of us start healing with a quiet (or not-so-quiet) expectation that once we’ve “done the work,” things should get easier… and stay easier. No more emotional ambushes. No more bad days that come out of nowhere. No more “Wait, why am I crying about this again?”
And then—boom.
A rough day shows up. Or a trigger. Or that familiar sinking feeling you thought you’d already dealt with.
Cue the self-doubt:
“Was any of that progress even real?”
“Am I going backwards?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Here’s the short answer: nothing.
Here’s the longer one: healing is messy, non-linear, and way more rollercoaster than straight line.
The Up-and-Down Is Part of the Deal
Healing doesn’t move neatly from point A to point B. It loops, pauses, backtracks, and sometimes feels like it’s doing donuts just to mess with you.
Those dips don’t mean you’ve failed. They usually mean:
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You’ve hit a deeper layer
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Life stirred up an old wound
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Your nervous system got overwhelmed
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Or you’re trying something new instead of your old survival habits
And yes, that can feel exhausting. But it’s also a sign that your system is actively learning, not giving up.
Why It Feels Worse Right When You’re “Doing Better”
Here’s a curveball: sometimes healing feels harder because it’s working.
When you start to feel safer—emotionally, relationally, internally—your mind and body may finally allow old feelings to surface. Stuff that was tucked away because it wasn’t safe to feel before.
So suddenly, emotions pop up and you think,
“Why now? I thought I was past this.”
You are past the survival phase.
Now you’re in the processing phase. Big difference.
Your Nervous System Has Opinions
You can understand something logically and still react emotionally. That’s not a contradiction—it’s biology.
Your nervous system doesn’t care how much insight you have. It cares about safety. So when it senses stress, it might pull out old, familiar responses like anxiety, shutdown, people-pleasing, or emotional spirals.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body is asking for reassurance, rest, or support—not criticism.
Setbacks Aren’t a Step Back — They’re a Check-In
Instead of asking, “Why am I like this again?” try asking:
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What’s being triggered right now?
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What do I need more of today?
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What would help me feel just 10% safer?
Setbacks are less about failure and more about information. They point you toward the places that still need gentleness.
And yes, gentleness counts as progress.
What Healing Progress Actually Looks Like (Spoiler: It’s Subtle)
Progress doesn’t always feel empowering or dramatic. Sometimes it looks like:
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Not spiralling as long as you used to
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Noticing patterns before they take over
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Being nicer to yourself on hard days
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Asking for help instead of pretending you’re fine
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Feeling the emotion without judging yourself for it
That’s real growth—even if it doesn’t feel Instagram-worthy.
On the Days You Feel “Behind”
You’re not behind.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re not failing at healing.
You’re human, having a nervous system, living a life.
Healing isn’t about never falling apart again. It’s about learning how to come back to yourself—with a little more compassion each time.
So if your healing journey feels like a rollercoaster right now, take a breath. Hold on. And remember: the ride doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re moving.
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