New Year, New Me? Why This Narrative Can Feel Unhelpful

Not Everyone Is Walking Into the New Year Energised

Some people finish the year feeling proud, hopeful, and ready for what’s next.

Others crawl across the finish line.

For some, the past year might have been about grief, trauma, illness, burnout, relationship breakdowns, financial stress, or just holding things together enough to function.

So when the message is “Now is the time to reinvent yourself”, it can feel incredibly invalidating. As if whatever you went through doesn’t count. As if surviving wasn’t enough.

If last year took everything you had, you don’t need a glow-up. You might just need rest.

The Sneaky Shame Behind “Self-Improvement” Culture

Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

“New me” quietly suggests that the old you wasn’t good enough.

That who you were — with your coping strategies, emotional responses, limitations, and messiness — somehow failed and now needs replacing.

For people who already struggle with anxiety, depression, perfectionism, or low self-worth, this can feed a lot of shame. Suddenly January becomes a reminder of everything you should be fixing.

Real change doesn’t come from bullying yourself into being better.

When a New Year Feels Scary, Not Exciting

Not everyone welcomes a new year with excitement.

For many people, it brings a quiet sense of dread.

Another birthday coming. Another reminder that time is passing. Another opportunity to measure yourself against where you thought you’d be by now.

For those getting older, the pressure to be a “better version” of yourself can stir fears about aging, regret, missed chances, or changing identities.

You’re not failing because you’re not where you imagined you’d be. Life doesn’t run on a neat timeline.

Growth Isn’t Always Loud, Visible, or Instagram-Worthy

We’re sold the idea that growth has to look dramatic — new habits, new body, new mindset, new goals.

But often, real growth looks much quieter.

It can look like:

saying no when you normally say yes

staying in rather than pushing yourself to keep up

setting one small boundary

letting go of something you can’t control

choosing not to change anything at all because that’s what you need right now

You don’t need to be new. You’re allowed to be ongoing.

A Kinder Question to Ask Yourself

Instead of asking, “How do I become a better version of myself this year?”, you might try:

• What do I actually need right now?

• What’s been hard that I haven’t acknowledged?

• What would compassion towards myself look like?

You don’t have to transform to be worthy of care, rest, or support.